The Call to Transparency

Photographer: Sirylok

It is difficult to determine the level of disclosure necessary to minister to anyone abnormal.

Abnormals are those who don’t fit society’s overall arching definition of normal.  We be the ones (I know it is grammatically incorrect) who are addicts, abusers, familiar with dysfunctional family patterns, and basically live in denial about a lot of things.

Yet, when we seek the help we need, the help we desire, we find it in the lives and voices of those willing to expose themselves.  And we change.

Recently, someone joined me on a social media platform whose identifying marker said they were a forgiven adulterer.  Granted, I tried to see a face with the label/title, but none was found as I did a 10 second search.  Did it really matter what they looked like?  No.

The Cost of Transparency – Freedom from Bondage

The cost for those who live lives in front of the veil is -- we are free.  We are free to not be held captive to the opinions and judgments of the “normals” or those other Christians who act like they never did anything wrong.  Then there are those who know they did wrong, but, with noses high in the air proclaim, “I never went that far.” 

Ok.  So you didn’t have to walk in our shoes.  Kudos.  Congratulations.  Good for you!

But, we are free NOW.  We are also free to be used by God to help others and bring them out.  Equipped with an understanding that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, we are able to think, write and speak boldly of God’s saving grace.  Bipolar, bulimic and recovering from burglary charges, no matter our lot, no matter our sin, we are forgiven, redeemed and accepted.  We all are. 

The Gift of Transparency

A willingness to share our story or parts of our past struggles with others is a gift.  We don’t hide in shame.  We don’t crouch in fear.  We know there are different territories that must be conquered.

Photographer: Membio

Energized, focused and determined, we emerge from cocoons and share our testimonies to equip the Millennials, Generation X and anyone else to push forward, move beyond our pasts and live extraordinary lives.  By sharing, we get to watch other people transform.  What a gift!

With tears in their eyes, the other abnormals, thank us for being honest, open and transparent.  They share their stories with us and we can go deeper into the ministry of reconciling them to a place of peace.

The Rewards of Transparency

Finally, we are free to live joyous lives.  There is a level of joy we can experience and enjoy because we have made peace with our past, let go of the pain and shame associated with our faults and shortcomings in order to rejoice!  We rejoice in God’s love, we rejoice in our freedom from bondage and we rejoice in the improved life granted to those willing to face their past, heal and follow Christ.

Called to be transparent?  I am.  I am not embarrassed although I may not always understand what God wants to do through me.  Yet, I am beginning to hear the testimony of others who are coming out of their own forms of bondage as they say, “Thank you.  You helped me so much.”

In Jesus name,

M

Take the Hit: Moving from Right to Righteousness

Meekness, Mental Health & Ministry

Every fighter knows in order to secure the title “winner” at the end of a boxing match, they have to endure the blows of each punch first.  The referee serves as the authority in the boxing ring. 

Often, life is a boxing match.  Spiritual principles are the ruling authority for some.  For others, Christ is King and His way of living rules and guides our behavior.

 Ser

Sergey Nivens, Photographer

Like a referee, people in positions of power and authority have a duty to execute their assignment with an attitude of meekness.  It’s one way to reduce harmful acts and demonstrate we either a) honor spiritual principles; or b) are following the example left by Christ.

Meekness, in the biblical context, is defined as someone in authority resisting undue harshness towards others.

It is challenging to respond kindly to aggravating treatment.  If aggravating treatment can be defined as anything done to another person to provoke an emotional response, then certainly, life offers many opportunities to deal with aggravating treatment.  When we get hit with a slur, sarcasm or a perceived slight in any form, we want to hit back.  When a spouse forgets something we deem important or a child disobeys a directive, we want to gruffly react.  It’s a natural, human response to a punch.

Yet, to define oneself as spiritual, when responding to these types of actions in our daily life, kindness and a demonstration of self-control are mechanisms of meekness.

This discussion is prompted by the text in Matthew which reads that Jesus entered the final phase of his assignment with an attitude of meekness.  (Matthew 21:4-5)  The word birthed a curiosity within my mind, so I embarked on a study of the word and the context in which it was read during Holy Week.  Certainly, my spiritual curiosity pushed me into new levels of personal awareness and professional responsibility I feel compelled to share.

Especially since it is easy for me to excuse my own tough behavior with an explanation of my family’s legacy of speaking harshly to people.  Our direct style of communication, combined with a lack of tact (kindness, humility and benevolence) impacts the message and reflection of the Christ seen in me.  It speaks to how I personally and professionally represent the importance of spiritual principles.

Therefore, understanding that Jesus purposely (Luke 9:51) traveled towards Jerusalem to die amazes me.  Why?  Because he volunteered to 1) complete his assignment; which included 2) being mistreated.  And for the reader who says, like me sometimes, this guy was divine!  How could anything he experienced compare to what I have to deal with on earth??!!  I understand. 

In fact, I believe Jesus was lucky enough to die once.  He only dealt with dying on the cross once.  In my lifespan, I can count at least three cross experiences that have left me feeling weak, useless and filled with shame.  I then tell myself, it is impossible for me to follow his example.

But I can. 

That said, meekness is the ability to deal with troubling circumstances, control one’s response and make sure others are not hurt by our power and leadership.  Sounds easy enough, right?

It was easy for me and can be on any given day.  According to an article I read on “Meekness and Moral Anger,” by Glen Pettigrove, meekness is a virtue that is valuable and vital.  In fact, I spent the week thinking how Jesus’ ministry would have looked if he was NOT meek.  What if he would have responded harshly to the woman with the issue of blood or to the Roman authority whose daughter was sick?  Would he still have been attractive to follow?  Am I attractive to work with now?

 

Sergey Nivens, Illustrator

If one’s mental health/mental capabilities are so out of balance that we can’t control how we respond (not react) to the world in which we live, we destroy the message of recovery, hope and respect for human lives for those who are watching on the sidelines.

The addict, the unbeliever, the whoremonger, the thief, all are watching me and you to see if they should pursue a different kind of life.  That’s why regularly cleansing our soul of troubling thoughts and emotions to keep our vessels clean and pure for the spiritual task at hand is so important.

I love the way Pettigrove says that,

“The meek person is slow to anger and is not prone to resent others, to desire their suffering, or to take pleasure in their distress. To say that the meek person is not quickly or easily provoked is not necessarily to say that he is never provoked. Certainly the meek are much slower to anger than persons with “a warm and angry [t]emper,” and they are less easily provoked than the common run of humanity.  

On those rare occasions when the meek become angry, they do not remain angry for long. And in the brief period during which they are feeling angry, they refrain from showing it in their actions, refusing to treat others in ways that express their hostile emotions.  (Pettigrove, 344)

I am equipped to do that.  God empowered me in this way before. 

Being in charge as a parent, child care worker, supervisor or homeless shelter outreach technician requires we have the inner hidden strength of character and humility of Christ to execute our duties ethically and benevolently. 

If I don’t feel good because of external or internal circumstances, it is my responsibility to properly manage those issues in ways that do not impact the people I touch. 

Surely, I am not the only one who falls short in this area.  In fact, the reason I am sharing this spiritual awakening is because as humans we talk about our victories and accomplishments often, but rarely share how we successfully overcome the liabilities in our character, which impact our personhood. 

That said, let’s walk not just in the authority of our roles, but also in the kindness and benevolence of Christ.  In this way, we demonstrate meekness no matter whether people sing our praises or not.  And, God gets the glory and is declared (once again) the real winner behind our actions.

Be blessed.

Works Cited

Pettigrove, Glen.  Ethics. Jan2012, Vol. 122 Issue 2, p341-370. 30p. (3 April 2015)

Trust, Betrayal and Mental Illness

Supporting Our Loved Ones in Healthy Ways

Andre Lyons is bipolar.  He is one of the intensive, multi-faceted characters portrayed on Fox’s new hit TV show Empire.  The fact that mainstream television has taken society’s secret and put it front and center in our homes each week is refreshing.  But the truth is many families deal with bipolar, and other mental illnesses, in secret.

Mental illness in the African American community is probably one of our best kept secrets.  Either we face it with denial or tend to make it a completely “spiritual” issue.  Truth is, the frequent mood swings, outbursts of anger, long periods of being unproductive and/or using marijuana or other substances to self-medicate, are common.  The fact that black people suffer from biological dysfunctions is true too.  And, coping with life’s major events in addition to oppression, parental issues plus financial concerns make us just as susceptible to illness as anyone else. 

However, as the media is known to do, they have sensationalized Andre’s on screen meltdown and accused his family of betrayal.  They accuse his family of betraying him because they saw Andre in trouble and involuntarily signed him into a mental health facility.

Betrayed?  Why aren’t we examining their actions as an act of love?  Is it possible the family’s deep-seated love for Andre compelled them to ensure his safety from himself and protect him from harming others?

In one Empire showing, Andre had at least two “episodes.”  He is a tall, strong black man, who happens to live in America.  Would you want to be trapped in an elevator with him alone while he is having an episode?  What would your first reaction be?  Let me guess – call the police.  I don’t blame you either.  One of my adult children has the same disorder.  I recently informed him I would put him in the hospital if he couldn’t control himself.  This awareness made him angry.

But when a mental health consumer, like Andre, makes a poor decision, i.e. to stop taking their medication, the family has one of two choices:

1.     Volunteer for bizarre, unexpected behavior that harms both the mental health patient/consumer and anyone they potentially come into contact with, thereby, demonstrating their ability to threaten the well-being of others; or

2.     Ensure the safety of everyone involved and let the medical professionals treat our loves ones, thereby, affirming the value of the lives and safety of all involved.

Television has certainly evolved and is doing an excellent job bringing the stories and issues central to the African American community and other communities to light.  However, my hope is that we, as intelligent, caring, proactive humans, can ignore the media’s need to sensationalize an important and emotional issue and seek out the proper information to both help and protect our loved ones – thereby ushering them into a place of healing and wholeness. 

Michelle Baynes Owens is a freelance writer who lives in York, PA.  She runs a blog on the topics of depression, recovery and spirituality at http://michellethemystic.blogspot.com/

The Haves and Have Nots

Learning to be Content to Manage Depression

Philippians 4:11-13

Being unfamiliar with the television show bearing the same title, I courageously decided to title this post.  The main idea of the post is how is it possible for some people that suffer from chronic depression to feel sad and others don’t during the winter months?  The answer I suggest is spiritual in nature – not biological.

Shorter days and colder nights can be a great sources of strain for people.  Combine the external environment with regularly scheduled bill payments, daily parenting responsibilities, employment and other tasks and it is clear how difficult it is for some to maintain peace in the midst of life’s storms.

In fact, anxiety and fear are the normal states of existence for many people with a mental health condition.

Yet, I have peace today.  Unlike any other winter prior, I have joy and a sense of happiness that is permeating and coursing through my body, mind and soul.  However, I am keenly aware of those who have not this sense of peace.

What I can say about depression is it is a tricky disease.  One day a person feels great and one week later, their entire bottom has fallen out and there is no sense of stability inside the mind, body or soul.

Certainly, I do believe a person’s external environment contributes to their sense of emotional stability.  I recently moved and immensely enjoy my new home.  However, a friend of mine recently lost his primary source of income.  He doesn’t feel so happy these days. 

The internal environment is often connected to what happens outside the body.  However, I am a bit convinced my internal happiness is not based on my external circumstances.  Maybe I am in denial.  Or, maybe I am in a state of complete acceptance about the material possessions I lack and their overall importance to 1) meeting my basic human needs and 2) affirming my worth in the world. 

Maybe this is what the Apostle Paul meant when he said, “I have learned to be content, no matter what state I am in.”  (Philippians 4:11-13)

Content in the Greek means to be satisfied; without discontent or dissatisfaction in the soul.  So, Paul learned (and wrote about it) and I have learned and now write that learning to be content is a process that occurs uniquely for each person.

And, if truly learned, it is possible contentment is a prerequisite for happiness.  Kind of like one pillar in the foundation.  Alongside it are the building blocks of acceptance, gratitude and faith.  A keen sense that trusting God for the things we cannot see to be in place when necessary, helps us gratefully accept our current situation and rest in the Maker’s arms.

I have peace today.  And I pray for those that have not.

Seek Wise Counsel

 Finding your Way to Wisdom in a Noisy World

When imbalance, anxiety and confusion rule a recovering person’s thoughts, it is hard to know who to trust.  In fact, when to trust can be confusing too.

Stuart Miles

For many people recovering from mental illnesses and substance abuses, the God found in Christ is their Higher Power.  Granted, some people are even open to the idea that God speaks through people and events.  That means the silent questions on our heart are unexpectedly answered in conversations with others.  An answer is also found in a poem, bumper sticker or the words of a song.   

And, when in recovery, there is a growing awareness that we need to be guided into a new way of thinking and living in order to stop harming ourselves, or, at the very least, ignoring our needs.

That’s why prayer is two parts:  talking and listening.  While we can ask God questions and share our concerns too, it is also important to know (discern) when God is answering.

Since being wise is defined as having the ability to make a good decision, the Word of God is a good place to search for guidance on who and when to trust others for advice. 

This article on How to Seek Wise Counsel is a good place to start.  But what was equally important in my recovery was trusting my own inner urge, my instinct or some would say, my inner voice. 

Gently and ever so softly, I can hear my soul speak.  It is guiding me to a place or a person that has information, awareness, comfort or counsel.  In other words, I am being guided to a healthy source.  This Source is designed to 1) help support my recovery; and 2) affirm my existence on earth.

Maybe it is an urge to go to an AA/NA meeting.  Maybe it is a knowing that my therapy sessions should be increased.  Or, it is this strong impression that I should not go to the mall today, but instead visit a friend.  Whatever we come to know in our soul is what we should do, the message communicated will line up with God’s Word.  And, God will come by and let you know he has confirmed those specific instructions when someone else confirms what you heard God say.

God will never guide us to lie, cheat, harm or steal.  In fact, God’s thoughts of peace towards us are designed to bring us to an expected end – a place of his choosing that is fruitful.  (Jeremiah 29:11)

Yes, seek wise counsel.  But know that God needs us to participate in the process too.  Take time to discern what God is saying to you (Proverbs 1:5) and then discuss it with those wise people you trust (Proverbs 11:14) to confirm the path of righteousness we are destined to travel.

A Place of Belonging

Conferences, Conventions and Community in 12-step Programs

What I find most exhilarating about being a member of a 12-step program is that there is one place on this earth that understands my weaknesses, shortcomings and potential.  Being in the room with other recovering persons, without concerns about professional standing, economic wealth or gender, is such a relief.  I can be me, the sick person I am who seeks wellness with little or no judgment from my peers.

But the best part about being in recovery, for me, are the conferences.  Boy oh boy, they are so much fun.  We gather to hear the message of recovery from each other, relate to each other’s past, present and future, while participating in healthy activities like karaoke, dancing, buffet dinners, comedy shows and more.  It is the part of our fellowship that society knows nothing about and will never hear about because they are so busy judging our label and disease.

Stuart Miles

Needless to say, the recent attendance at a conference brought me joy.  I am so happy for the opportunity to be rejuvenated, loved by my peers who have similar pasts and presents, and to hear many, many messages of hope rooted in one simple fact:  We Do Recover.

If you have never been to a conference and are in recovery, I suggest you find one and enjoy yourself.  Meet new people, try new things and know that our bad days end and new days unfold if we stay in the process of positive, healthy self-care.

We recover in community.  We get better.  We reclaim our place in our own lives when we connect with others who inspire us, love us and speak truth to us in ways we can’t do alone. 

Be blessed.

M