A New Era of Existence
It’s Okay to Take Care of Me

… anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! (2 Cor. 5:17 MSG)

An initial understanding of being new in Christ prompted me to believe that I could be perfect right away.  No doubt, this misinterpretation was my own, but certainly fueled by a variety of Christian messages and teachings.

However, in a quest for perfectionism, I began harming myself psychologically by trying to achieve unrealistic, self-imposed expectations.  There wasn’t any room in my thinking for me to be human.

My truth is that living a new way of life happened because I began to understand what didn’t work.  And, since the old ways of coping with life and interacting with people didn’t work, it was up to me to change.  I had to learn how to rely on God to lead me into a new type of awareness.

Now, there are certainly people who believe we don’t need “outside” help to become better people.  However, that is not my truth.  I need, and welcome, the insight of therapists, sociologists, books, music and a variety of other resources to become the best person possible.

In my search for living life in ways that affirm my existence and feed my soul, I discovered some important truths:

1.   It is okay to self-affirm.  Gone is the need to blindly harm the self and its delicate soul.  It is time to nurture, embrace and discover who I am genuinely and give myself some long-neglected, well-deserved, undivided attention.

2.   It is okay to love me.   As a society, we have been taught that self-love is narcissistic and unacceptable.  We have delivered a message that we are too focused on the self and should, in turn, help others so we don’t become self-absorbed.  That is true.  But it is also true that some of us, those of us who suffer from internal brokenness and various forms of woundedness, are unable and ill-equipped to encourage and accept others until we learn how to encourage and accept ourselves.  We are the ones who have no idea how to like ourselves, embrace ourselves and minister to our own soul.  That’s how abusing drugs and ignoring one’s mental health becomes a common practice.

3.   It is okay to take care of me before I try to take care of you.  As I pursue wholeness, I had to begin identifying what I really wanted.  For instance, I want friends, but I am unwilling to let anyone make me take care of them emotionally when I need care emotionally.  I know from costly past experiences that caring for others before caring for me doesn’t work, harms me and leads me into finding new ways to harm myself.  It’s a new season.  I’m not anyone’s superwoman, but I am certainly a Christian.

Love you neighbor as you love yourself is true.  However, much more emphasis has been placed on loving the neighbor once a person becomes a Christian.  And, any signs of external self-care that border on vanity or flaunting of one’s wealth or beauty is frowned upon too.

In reality, flaunting one’s wealth or beauty is really a sign of brokenness.  It is possibly a sign that someone is trying to cover up an internal sense of lack, low self-worth or little sense of value to one’s own soul.

Instead, this new season, for me, is about self-discovery, healing through self-care and improving the ways I understand my life experiences. 

How about you – are you experiencing a new era of existence – a new way of interacting with the world that affirms your presence on earth?  If so, please share your comments.

Walls of Silence

Brick-built walls of silence

Seems like they have always been there

From mother to daughter to niece and so on

The language is just not there

Living in walls of silence

I can’t hear what is on your heart

There’s pain and triumph, hurt and loss

We can get past it if we share our thoughts

Sitting on walls of silence

Pondering yesteryear

If onlys won’t make it better

Open dialogue can help the healing begin

Let’s break down the walls of silence

By humbly submitting to one to another, with care

I listen to you

You listen to me

In time, we will know the other cares.

Broken down walls of silence

The healing has begun

Forgiveness, tears, better days ahead

With embraced arms around each other

Love will triumph!

Mothering the Child Within at Every Stage of Life

Mothering Our Inner Child

Remembering moments of motherly love can bring reminders of a mother’s tender care, balanced with thoughts of her firm words of correction.   Fortunately, my mother is still alive.  Remembering her on Mother’s Day forth a variety of feelings and memories.  However, my mother’s day was mostly spent wondering how mothering the Child within is an important practice to pamper the mind, body, soul and spirit.  In fact, it is one way to empower yourself.

One Moment of me Mothering the Child Within

What does a mother do? Before she becomes a mother, she receives an impartation to bring forth life.  Something catches her eye, tickles her mind or heightens her awareness and she opens up to receive.  To celebrate the special moment that life began, she nurtures and cares for herself and the unborn Child within.  Eventually, life comes forth.

When we tend to our inner Self, we are mothering the child within.  We are honoring our own lives, empowering ourselves and continuing to walk on the path of wellness.

Today, have you positively impacted the Child within?  Balanced living includes stepping back to rejuvenate, restore and reconnect with our own needs.  We still need inspiration and attention.  Our Inner Child doesn't disappear as we age.  No, she is within and needs to be encouraged, nurtured, heard and able to enjoy moments of tender care for the Self. 

Does the mother in you care for her Inner Child?  Healthy mothering looks like tender, careful, patient attention to the complete needs of the child.  When mothering the Self, the first assignment is to discover the need.  Any form of discomfort can be a signal that we are not at ease.  For infants, a cry signals a wet diaper or loneliness.  How does your Inner Child send signals of dis-ease?  How do you know when your Inner Child needs motherly attention?

Mothering the Child within requires developing the ability to listen to the Self.  Often, an attentive ear is needed to hear the gentle nudge requesting attention of some sort.  Even a belly ache, slowly healing sore or unexpected tears are signs that a moment of care is needed.  Are you paying attention?  Are you mothering you?

Sweet smelling candles and bubble baths are one way to nurture and caress the body.  But what habitual, healthy practices are in place to soothe the mind, inspire the spirit or calm the nerves? Shopping is rarely healthy, although habitual.  The spirit also needs to hear words that encourage, inspire, comfort and challenge.  The eyes need to drink in powerful images that spark joy, wonder and reflection.  These words or visuals can prompt thoughts or actions to awaken lost dreams long forgotten.  Are you mothering you?

Certainly mother's day is a special day.  For many, it is cause for celebration.  For some, it brings forth horrid memories and uncomfortable truths.  Regardless of what that day does for you, remember to mother you.  You do it for you.  At some point, every one of us had a mother.  Let’s continue to nurture the gift of life that she gave.  Let’s continue mothering the Child within in order to capture wellness in heart, mind and soul.