Living in the Solution: Dealing with Mentally Ill Family Members

Author:

 

Sergey Nivens

There is a mental health facility in my neighborhood that houses patients.  Non-residents can use this place for respite during the day.  They are blessed.  Social contact and communal engagement helps promote a sense of belonging in a human.  It is one of our basic human needs.

Lately, my thoughts have wondered how long it takes some mental health patients, without this kind of support, to adjust to loneliness and isolation.  The question arises because one aspect of said illnesses is poor interpersonal relationships.  An inability to get along with others is frequent and deeply felt by both the mental health patient and those that belong to their family.  Poor relationships - that in and of itself is not surprising.

Bipolar patients have unexpected mood swings.  Depressed consumers rarely want to leave their beds or homes for social interaction.  Anxious people are always excited about “something” and can either present as overly aggressive, boisterous or always moving around.

Family members choose one of several solutions:

Avoidance – “Is (Harry) going to be there?  I’m not coming.  He’s crazy.  He is difficult to talk to and you just never know what he is going to do or say next.” 

Some people choose to not engage at all with moody people.  The constant uncertainty of their behavior, vocalized intentions and unexpected stories make it difficult to hear, observe or participate in live while they are around. 

Author:

 

vectoraart

This solution works for the “well” person but does little for the consumer.  Isolation, already delivered by the consumer’s hand to themselves, now becomes an external experience too.  The loneliness drives some to commit suicide, use drugs or act out sexually.  But, in the self-centered world we live in, that is the mental health consumer’s problem, not anyone else’s.  Right? 

Especially since this same person has caused so much harm and wrecked so much havoc in the family home.  What responsibility does the family have to this person after years and years of abuse?

Acceptance – This family unit accepts their crazy cousin and all the drama they bring to life.  Mind you, the mental health consumer (crazy cousin) is totally unaware of their bizarre nature.  In fact, because people often laugh at what he/she does, the consumer thinks they are normal.  They continue “entertaining” family members because some attention is better than none.

They accept this loved one, give them food and shelter after each “binge” of bad behavior that can result in a trip to jail, three days in the street chasing drugs or any other abnormal disappearance.  Eventually, the family might get tired.  Some don’t.

Assistance – This family unit tries to assist the mental health consumer.  They invite them to events, ask them did they take their meds, remind them when they do or say something inappropriate, and hug them to let them know they are loved and accepted regardless of their quirkiness.  This kind of support assists a patient’s pursuit towards wellness.

 

Author: 3DAgentur

For those that don’t know they are sick, these families have interventions to confront the bizarre behavior and ask the loved one to get help.  This kind of support may be unwelcomed, but it is an act love.

Probably the best thing about this kind of family unit is communication.  They talk to each other and probably, at some point, have talked to a mental health professional about their loved one.  That makes sense.  Just like drug and alcohol addictions are family diseases, so is a mental health disorder.  It is a disease that impacts the family.

Where are you?

Which family unit would you desire to belong to?  Which family member are you?  One who avoids, accepts/denies a loved one’s condition?  Or, are you in that glorious, rare group of families that assists your loved one as best you can?

The last option probably happens in healthy family units versus dysfunctional ones.  This also means a healthy faith community, work environment or social group.  We have so much to learn about each other.  Extending grace and love and mercy towards others is a gift that many are unwilling to give.  To those of you that do, thank you.  You are truly an example of “living in the solution of life.”

 

Be blessed,

M