Answering the Call

Lately, I have been thinking about God handing out assignments and people receiving the message.  Too many times, the response is, “I don’t like this assignment.” 

Mind you, we are the same folk who tell God “I just want to do your will,” but when he reveals it, we are not always happy.

It took me at least ten years to make peace with my specific call to ministry.  I had a plan while in seminary for my life to unfold a certain way.  

However, 10 years post-graduation and I am just making peace with the specific way and reasons God has placed me to minister where I am.

“Your mess is your ministry,” I can still hear my friend Rev. Dr. Monique Carter say to me.  I silently hoped she was wrong.  I have had ten years to finally admit -- she was right.

Although we may have silent dreams to be successful, famous, productive movie stars, ballerinas, football players, etc. -- the hustle and flow of circumstances, choices and decisions can produce results we did not count on. 

Yet, it is all part of God’s plan.

There can be many reasons and excuses that keep us from answering the call, but call them what they really are:  shame, stigma and regret.  

Today is the day.  Do something different.  Better yet – think different so you can do different.  Then, trust God to guide you.

Be blessed,

Mystic Michelle

Seek Wise Counsel

 Finding your Way to Wisdom in a Noisy World

When imbalance, anxiety and confusion rule a recovering person’s thoughts, it is hard to know who to trust.  In fact, when to trust can be confusing too.

Stuart Miles

For many people recovering from mental illnesses and substance abuses, the God found in Christ is their Higher Power.  Granted, some people are even open to the idea that God speaks through people and events.  That means the silent questions on our heart are unexpectedly answered in conversations with others.  An answer is also found in a poem, bumper sticker or the words of a song.   

And, when in recovery, there is a growing awareness that we need to be guided into a new way of thinking and living in order to stop harming ourselves, or, at the very least, ignoring our needs.

That’s why prayer is two parts:  talking and listening.  While we can ask God questions and share our concerns too, it is also important to know (discern) when God is answering.

Since being wise is defined as having the ability to make a good decision, the Word of God is a good place to search for guidance on who and when to trust others for advice. 

This article on How to Seek Wise Counsel is a good place to start.  But what was equally important in my recovery was trusting my own inner urge, my instinct or some would say, my inner voice. 

Gently and ever so softly, I can hear my soul speak.  It is guiding me to a place or a person that has information, awareness, comfort or counsel.  In other words, I am being guided to a healthy source.  This Source is designed to 1) help support my recovery; and 2) affirm my existence on earth.

Maybe it is an urge to go to an AA/NA meeting.  Maybe it is a knowing that my therapy sessions should be increased.  Or, it is this strong impression that I should not go to the mall today, but instead visit a friend.  Whatever we come to know in our soul is what we should do, the message communicated will line up with God’s Word.  And, God will come by and let you know he has confirmed those specific instructions when someone else confirms what you heard God say.

God will never guide us to lie, cheat, harm or steal.  In fact, God’s thoughts of peace towards us are designed to bring us to an expected end – a place of his choosing that is fruitful.  (Jeremiah 29:11)

Yes, seek wise counsel.  But know that God needs us to participate in the process too.  Take time to discern what God is saying to you (Proverbs 1:5) and then discuss it with those wise people you trust (Proverbs 11:14) to confirm the path of righteousness we are destined to travel.

The Courage to say, "I Can't"

Allowing God’s Strength to Work when We’re Weak

                It took almost a full week for me to begin processing the suicide of actor Robin Williams.  The unexpected news of his death was initially revealed to me while perusing a Facebook page dedicated to support mental health consumers. 

When the news report referred to his severe depression, I immediately understood how he lost the battle raging inside his head.  Why?  Because at the time of his death, I had been three days into battling my own thoughts of suicide.

                In fact, about five hours before I read the news about Williams, I had posted on Facebook, “I need help.”

                Why, some may wonder, had I made a public declaration of weakness?  Because I live alone and have few, few contacts with people.  My work as a freelance writer and my past “bad” actions keep me isolated in this small community. 

                I made the public declaration of weakness because somewhere deep inside my mind I believe my life was intended, planned and can be of some good use to someone.  (Hope?)  Maybe I don’t kill myself because I’m giving God a chance to prove God’s Word is true for me too.  J

But, I also decided to take this step because I had just left the pharmacy with a “new” prescription for an anti-depressant.  I felt overwhelmed, hopeless, worthless, weepy and sorry for myself – all classic signs of depression.  The one hour bus ride home did not help.  

                I took some medication and prepared to take a nap.  But for all the prayers I had said on my own, I felt it best to ask others to help me pray for me.  Now, scientifically, we can’t prove that their prayers helped. 

But, it is in my best interest to believe that God hears prayer and answers.  What other real hope is there in life? Evidence of God answering the prayers of those who prayed was proven to me by my sense of feeling better when I awakened two hours later.  Naysayers might say, “It was the medicine.  It was because you got some rest.”  Believe what you will.

                I KNOW my relationship with God has sustains my life.  This relationship keeps me alive.  In my opinion, religion is external behaviors confirming our belief in God.  Spirituality is an internal, private relationship with God evidenced by a personal commitment to live out/walk out the Word in daily life.

                So, when the Apostle Paul prayed and asked God to remove his weakness, God said, “My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.” (2 Cor. 12:9 CEV)  Then Paul said, “So if Christ keeps giving me his power, I will gladly brag about how weak I am.”

                I felt so weak Monday.  Those suicidal thoughts and the heaviness in my heart and mind regarding my life are part of the internal atmosphere that works against me.  But, if I FIGHT to remember better days and look at life through the lens of a clear set of glasses, there is evidence that my life means something.  There is proof that I am worthy of God’s love, grace and attention.  But depression works really hard to steal those truths from my sense of self-awareness. 

                I cooperate with God when I refuse to allow those thoughts to steal my life.  Leaning on God and obeying God’s instructions/suggestions are what keep me alive.  (And, yes, I believe God instructs me to take medication and participate in therapy sessions.)  God said, “Ask for help on Facebook.”  I said, “Ok.  It certainly can’t get worse than this.” 

                Two hours later, I felt better.  Four hours later I discovered Robin Williams was dead. 

                I can’t.  God can.  I prefer to let God help me because when I am weak, God is so, so strong.

Be blessed,

Mystic Michelle

Anchored: In Times Like These

In times like these, you need a Savior

In time like these, you need an anchor

Be very sure, yes be very sure

Your anchor holds and grips the solid rock

 ~

Words and Music to In Times Like These

by Ruth Caye Jones

It is difficult to begin a relationship with God while in the basement of psychological and emotional pain.  How can one find a way to trust God when all hope is lost and all that was lost is gone?

Difficult, hard and problematic to say the least. 

I understand the conundrum because when I was in my emotional basement, I was angry at God, questioning the love She said she had towards me.  I was also suspicious of what She said was her nature as a good, merciful and faithful God. 

How, when in a fetal position of depression and paralyzed in my bed, could I turn my thoughts towards trusting God when nothing seemed to be going right in my life?  It is in these difficult times, I need a Savior.  Not a human crutch or just a medicinal fix.  I need a Divine Savior.

I found that to anchor my soul in a tight grip on God to be an act of courageous humility and blind faith.

You see, for me, having a relationship with God is better than not having a relationship with a Divine Power greater than myself.  At least, when I get angry, sad, depressed and upset, I have something to direct those energies toward. 

And, when I am joyful, happy, and playful and mischief, I enjoy the other side of this relationship that tends to bring the same ups and downs common to connecting with others.

           

On this particular day, I am grateful the God I love can’t be swayed or manipulated by my temper tantrums, selfish demands or bouts of sadness.  When my anger turns inward, God is there to remind me to be loving towards myself, gentle, patient and tolerant towards me.  After all, God is those things toward me.  Why can’t I be those things towards myself?

I am forever humbled by my parents and the faith community they raised me in who pointed me towards a God who is greater than I.  This God is big enough, tough enough and wise enough to gently handle me -- remembering I am dust, created in His image and subject to bouts of mania, depression, anxiety and unrealistic expectations regarding my reality.

           

Yet, Her love remains.  It is sure.  It is steadfast and it is eternal. 

            Her presence is my life anchors me.  What I mean is, God’s presence and loving guidance allow my life to have a specific, unique meaning.  A starting and ending point for all philosophical musings, theological wrangling and specific, unique idiosyncrasies. 

It fact, the more life stuff I go through, the more curious I become about His nature.  This helps me remain hopeful because there is nothing about me that God can’t handle.  I am accepted, affirmed and loved – no matter what!

I find hope in this God who created me in His image and tells me, “You belong to me.  I created you, I love you and I will never leave you or abandon you.”

           

My soul finds comfort and peace in our interactions.

           

When tears stream down my face, they fall into a bucket of raindrops – received, nourished and wiped away ever so gently because God really does care for me.  When no one else on earth seems to care about me, respect me, honor me or help me, God lets me know He cares.  And, then God will send someone along to demonstrate just how much he cares.

            My soul is resting.  It is just a blessing.  Praise God, I am free to be me, loved and anchored in the Master’s hands.

Be blessed,

M