Self-care and Suicide Prevention

A few ways we can prevent our own Suicide

We don’t hear enough people talking about their personal, private struggle to manage suicidal thoughts.  But, in light of this being Suicide Prevention Week, it seems appropriate for me to be transparent.  In fact, this self-disclosure may encourage someone else to reach a deeper level of self-acceptance.

Our society embraces the idea of managing loneliness.  On the other hand, in some communities, society tries to save us or deliver us from depression and suicidal thoughts.  My experience reveals learning how to manage the suicidal thoughts that randomly present themselves in my head, has helped me preserve my life and stabilize me within the context of self-care and wellness.

Suicidal thoughts don’t discriminate.  A person’s background or pedigree is of no importance to these thoughts of self-destruction.  My first set of thoughts appeared around the age of 15.  And, being a mental health consumer (i.e. a person who manages and addresses their mental illness), I have learned that honest acceptance of my mental health condition allows me to move towards a solution rather than staying in the problem (i.e. tortured by suicidal thoughts, defeated by depression and/or agitated by anxiety).

Here are a few ways I manage my mental health, which includes those infrequent, unexpected suicidal thoughts:

Honestly admit the thoughts occur. No matter how frequent or rare, if your brain is built like mine, the suicidal thoughts will occur and re-occur whenever they want.  I have learned that I might not be able to control when or why the thoughts that come into my head, but I can certainly control how I respond to them.

Develop and practice open-mindedness.  There are alternative ways to dealing with suicidal thoughts rather than just giving in.  This is what I call “the fight.”  For some people it is a daily struggle to fight the thoughts.  For other people, the thoughts may come in seasons.  Whatever the case, approaching our lot in life with an open mind as it relates to treatment is a good starting place. 

Considering attending therapy, taking medication (traditional or herbal), practicing your spirituality and any other forms of healthy treatment are ways we demonstrate self-love and self-care.  There are alternative solutions to managing suicidal thoughts that do not involve trying to kill oneself by abusing drugs or attempting to end one’s life.

Become Willing.  Being willing to talk to someone is a great idea.  Hopefully, the person chosen is willing to listen and help guide you into a solution that doesn’t involve shaming you for your condition.  Also, having a safe haven for rough days is a good idea.  My safe haven is my bed.  If I get hit with an episode of suicidal thoughts, I encourage myself to get home and get in my bed!  This allows me to hold on until the rough moments pass and I can talk to someone, have a change made to my medication or both. 

I have a few rules I follow so that when the thoughts come, I know they can’t succeed.  I cry, tell them to shut up, talk to my therapist, lay in bed and watch movies, listen to sermons, the list goes on.  There are alternative ways to deal with the problem.

5.     

            Pray.  People often fail, but God never does.  Saying, “God help me” is the simplest prayer I know.  And, as my thoughts to self-harm dissipate, I am grateful for the moment’s reprieve.

           Enter into a covenant/contract with yourself.  Biblically, covenants are initiated by God and God alone.  So, I have a contract, an agreement, if you will, with myself.  I will not try to kill myself.  (I personally think it is a waste of time to try but that is another topic.)  Past attempts have been unsuccessful, I always felt worse after I failed and I must be here for a reason, so why not just hold on and see what the end results will be?  I realize this isn’t logical thinking for some people, but it is the way I manage my depression and suicidal thoughts instead of allowing them to manage me.

Gratitude list.  I am not a fan of gratitude lists because my mind enjoys thinking “poor me” thoughts.  But, my recovery is my responsibility.  So, the way I recover from depression and suicidal thoughts is I find something, anything, for which to be grateful.  Some of my simplest gratitude lists are the funniest ones, but they keep me from harming myself in that moment.  And, I believe, that makes God proud.

Being suicidal is embarrassing to admit.  The shame about having suicidal thoughts succeeds when we choose to suffer in silence.  Acting out on these thoughts is always depressing and demeaning.  The truth is, the thoughts will pass and eventually go away.  Bad days are bad days and their alternative, good days, come and go too. 

So, my suggestion is this:  “Let’s hold on to life and see what else it has to bring.  After all, it can’t be worse than managing suicidal thoughts.”  J

Be blessed,

M

A New Era of Existence
It’s Okay to Take Care of Me

… anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! (2 Cor. 5:17 MSG)

An initial understanding of being new in Christ prompted me to believe that I could be perfect right away.  No doubt, this misinterpretation was my own, but certainly fueled by a variety of Christian messages and teachings.

However, in a quest for perfectionism, I began harming myself psychologically by trying to achieve unrealistic, self-imposed expectations.  There wasn’t any room in my thinking for me to be human.

My truth is that living a new way of life happened because I began to understand what didn’t work.  And, since the old ways of coping with life and interacting with people didn’t work, it was up to me to change.  I had to learn how to rely on God to lead me into a new type of awareness.

Now, there are certainly people who believe we don’t need “outside” help to become better people.  However, that is not my truth.  I need, and welcome, the insight of therapists, sociologists, books, music and a variety of other resources to become the best person possible.

In my search for living life in ways that affirm my existence and feed my soul, I discovered some important truths:

1.   It is okay to self-affirm.  Gone is the need to blindly harm the self and its delicate soul.  It is time to nurture, embrace and discover who I am genuinely and give myself some long-neglected, well-deserved, undivided attention.

2.   It is okay to love me.   As a society, we have been taught that self-love is narcissistic and unacceptable.  We have delivered a message that we are too focused on the self and should, in turn, help others so we don’t become self-absorbed.  That is true.  But it is also true that some of us, those of us who suffer from internal brokenness and various forms of woundedness, are unable and ill-equipped to encourage and accept others until we learn how to encourage and accept ourselves.  We are the ones who have no idea how to like ourselves, embrace ourselves and minister to our own soul.  That’s how abusing drugs and ignoring one’s mental health becomes a common practice.

3.   It is okay to take care of me before I try to take care of you.  As I pursue wholeness, I had to begin identifying what I really wanted.  For instance, I want friends, but I am unwilling to let anyone make me take care of them emotionally when I need care emotionally.  I know from costly past experiences that caring for others before caring for me doesn’t work, harms me and leads me into finding new ways to harm myself.  It’s a new season.  I’m not anyone’s superwoman, but I am certainly a Christian.

Love you neighbor as you love yourself is true.  However, much more emphasis has been placed on loving the neighbor once a person becomes a Christian.  And, any signs of external self-care that border on vanity or flaunting of one’s wealth or beauty is frowned upon too.

In reality, flaunting one’s wealth or beauty is really a sign of brokenness.  It is possibly a sign that someone is trying to cover up an internal sense of lack, low self-worth or little sense of value to one’s own soul.

Instead, this new season, for me, is about self-discovery, healing through self-care and improving the ways I understand my life experiences. 

How about you – are you experiencing a new era of existence – a new way of interacting with the world that affirms your presence on earth?  If so, please share your comments.