Take a Break!

Regaining Balance B4Stage4

Deadlines motivate me to complete projects.  As the end date draws near, my motivation turns against me and becomes stress.  Once stress appears, I am thrown off kilter.  No matter how much passion I pour into a project I love, the deadline begins as a goal, becomes a foreboding monster and happens to leave as quietly as it came.  Then, I need to regroup.

 

The last deadline for the magazine was missed.  The deadline made me anxious and missing it made me more anxious.  By the time the printing company received the file, I was wound as tight as a twisted balloon.  I could feel the muscles in my neck straining as I double-checked small details.  My lower back cried for a steamroller to smooth out the tense patches.  I felt bothered, short tempered and like I wanted it just to end.

The people I work with could tell I was on edge.  Yet, they began to tell me how much they appreciated me.

My therapist reminded me to take a break.

May is National Mental Health Month.  This experience reminded me that without consistent breaks, the chances of someone becoming overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, and eventually hitting a brick wall are real.  The way we avoid stage 4 while managing our mental health is through regular maintenance.  We maintain our recovery by utilizing a group of tools like people supports, medication, exercise, therapy sessions and, good old “down time.”

Medical professionals are using this month to talk about helping people with mental illnesses before they become a danger to themselves or others – Stage 4.  As I scoured the internet for clues on what stages 1, 2 and 3 looked like, I gave up and decided to focus on my own well-being.  Maybe someone else can write about those other stages.  Instead, let’s see what a break can do to our consistent mental health maintenance.

The Benefits of Breaks:

1.       Restoration of inner stability – my insides stopped jumping around after I took a long, long walk.  I

Author: airdone

walked the whole day actually and capped the experience with a lakeside view of a communal pond.  (exhale)  I wrote a little bit about the mishaps and lessons from the latest printing of the magazine issue, while assessing my professional behavior in the heat of the moment.

   Drink in the world – I got to notice the world around me.  Cars zooming and zipping back and forth, a lady fishing in the pond, the grass needed to be cut in the park.  (Who cuts the grass in the park anyway?  That’s a lot of grass!)  My mind took a break and my eyes became the sensors that filled the reservoir of my empty soul.  I saw the ducks, the geese, dogs, park benches.  Then it hit me, me and the magazine team had done good work. 

3.       Breathe.  There is a huge, steep hill that leads to Farquhar Park from the west side.  I took a chance and mounted it.  My knees cried, my breath lagged and finally, I reached the top.  Forget doing the

Author: adam121

exercises at each station in the park, I needed to catch my breath.  But, I wasn’t angry about it.  It felt good to be out of breath and walking in the park with lumbered heavy footsteps and a heavy bag on my shoulder.  I didn’t have to be anywhere or do anything because I was on my own time.  I was taking a break!

4.       Fun.  I had the patience to sit in the company of my three grandchildren after that long walk.  I climbed into their play area, a section corralled off in the living room, and laid on the floor with ten-month old Shamar.  I’m not sure my presence mattered to him.  He just crawled around me and kept doing what he was doing -- exchanging one toy for another from his mouth to his hand. 

Lying on the floor and viewing the world from his perspective was so relaxing.

Then, my granddaughter (2 ½) and her older brother (4) decided to capture my cell phone when I tried to keep her pacifier.  They reminded me they were in control in their play area and I was a visitor.  I had the best laugh in days because I couldn’t catch them to get my phone back!

Later that night, my granddaughter joined me in my bed for a YouTube Play-Doh video.  Her bare feet glazed my legs as I lay lightly exhausted, but refreshed, in my bed.  I was reminiscing about my great, relaxing day.  I had the pleasure of detoxing many negative emotions and freeing my muscles from penned up frustration. 

My soul was internally restored to sanity.  I felt grateful, loved and stabilized.  My life has purpose, meaning and direction.  And in finding my purpose, I can also have balance.  It is good to take a break.  When is the last time you had one?

Take the Hit: Moving from Right to Righteousness

Meekness, Mental Health & Ministry

Every fighter knows in order to secure the title “winner” at the end of a boxing match, they have to endure the blows of each punch first.  The referee serves as the authority in the boxing ring. 

Often, life is a boxing match.  Spiritual principles are the ruling authority for some.  For others, Christ is King and His way of living rules and guides our behavior.

 Ser

Sergey Nivens, Photographer

Like a referee, people in positions of power and authority have a duty to execute their assignment with an attitude of meekness.  It’s one way to reduce harmful acts and demonstrate we either a) honor spiritual principles; or b) are following the example left by Christ.

Meekness, in the biblical context, is defined as someone in authority resisting undue harshness towards others.

It is challenging to respond kindly to aggravating treatment.  If aggravating treatment can be defined as anything done to another person to provoke an emotional response, then certainly, life offers many opportunities to deal with aggravating treatment.  When we get hit with a slur, sarcasm or a perceived slight in any form, we want to hit back.  When a spouse forgets something we deem important or a child disobeys a directive, we want to gruffly react.  It’s a natural, human response to a punch.

Yet, to define oneself as spiritual, when responding to these types of actions in our daily life, kindness and a demonstration of self-control are mechanisms of meekness.

This discussion is prompted by the text in Matthew which reads that Jesus entered the final phase of his assignment with an attitude of meekness.  (Matthew 21:4-5)  The word birthed a curiosity within my mind, so I embarked on a study of the word and the context in which it was read during Holy Week.  Certainly, my spiritual curiosity pushed me into new levels of personal awareness and professional responsibility I feel compelled to share.

Especially since it is easy for me to excuse my own tough behavior with an explanation of my family’s legacy of speaking harshly to people.  Our direct style of communication, combined with a lack of tact (kindness, humility and benevolence) impacts the message and reflection of the Christ seen in me.  It speaks to how I personally and professionally represent the importance of spiritual principles.

Therefore, understanding that Jesus purposely (Luke 9:51) traveled towards Jerusalem to die amazes me.  Why?  Because he volunteered to 1) complete his assignment; which included 2) being mistreated.  And for the reader who says, like me sometimes, this guy was divine!  How could anything he experienced compare to what I have to deal with on earth??!!  I understand. 

In fact, I believe Jesus was lucky enough to die once.  He only dealt with dying on the cross once.  In my lifespan, I can count at least three cross experiences that have left me feeling weak, useless and filled with shame.  I then tell myself, it is impossible for me to follow his example.

But I can. 

That said, meekness is the ability to deal with troubling circumstances, control one’s response and make sure others are not hurt by our power and leadership.  Sounds easy enough, right?

It was easy for me and can be on any given day.  According to an article I read on “Meekness and Moral Anger,” by Glen Pettigrove, meekness is a virtue that is valuable and vital.  In fact, I spent the week thinking how Jesus’ ministry would have looked if he was NOT meek.  What if he would have responded harshly to the woman with the issue of blood or to the Roman authority whose daughter was sick?  Would he still have been attractive to follow?  Am I attractive to work with now?

 

Sergey Nivens, Illustrator

If one’s mental health/mental capabilities are so out of balance that we can’t control how we respond (not react) to the world in which we live, we destroy the message of recovery, hope and respect for human lives for those who are watching on the sidelines.

The addict, the unbeliever, the whoremonger, the thief, all are watching me and you to see if they should pursue a different kind of life.  That’s why regularly cleansing our soul of troubling thoughts and emotions to keep our vessels clean and pure for the spiritual task at hand is so important.

I love the way Pettigrove says that,

“The meek person is slow to anger and is not prone to resent others, to desire their suffering, or to take pleasure in their distress. To say that the meek person is not quickly or easily provoked is not necessarily to say that he is never provoked. Certainly the meek are much slower to anger than persons with “a warm and angry [t]emper,” and they are less easily provoked than the common run of humanity.  

On those rare occasions when the meek become angry, they do not remain angry for long. And in the brief period during which they are feeling angry, they refrain from showing it in their actions, refusing to treat others in ways that express their hostile emotions.  (Pettigrove, 344)

I am equipped to do that.  God empowered me in this way before. 

Being in charge as a parent, child care worker, supervisor or homeless shelter outreach technician requires we have the inner hidden strength of character and humility of Christ to execute our duties ethically and benevolently. 

If I don’t feel good because of external or internal circumstances, it is my responsibility to properly manage those issues in ways that do not impact the people I touch. 

Surely, I am not the only one who falls short in this area.  In fact, the reason I am sharing this spiritual awakening is because as humans we talk about our victories and accomplishments often, but rarely share how we successfully overcome the liabilities in our character, which impact our personhood. 

That said, let’s walk not just in the authority of our roles, but also in the kindness and benevolence of Christ.  In this way, we demonstrate meekness no matter whether people sing our praises or not.  And, God gets the glory and is declared (once again) the real winner behind our actions.

Be blessed.

Works Cited

Pettigrove, Glen.  Ethics. Jan2012, Vol. 122 Issue 2, p341-370. 30p. (3 April 2015)

Trust, Betrayal and Mental Illness

Supporting Our Loved Ones in Healthy Ways

Andre Lyons is bipolar.  He is one of the intensive, multi-faceted characters portrayed on Fox’s new hit TV show Empire.  The fact that mainstream television has taken society’s secret and put it front and center in our homes each week is refreshing.  But the truth is many families deal with bipolar, and other mental illnesses, in secret.

Mental illness in the African American community is probably one of our best kept secrets.  Either we face it with denial or tend to make it a completely “spiritual” issue.  Truth is, the frequent mood swings, outbursts of anger, long periods of being unproductive and/or using marijuana or other substances to self-medicate, are common.  The fact that black people suffer from biological dysfunctions is true too.  And, coping with life’s major events in addition to oppression, parental issues plus financial concerns make us just as susceptible to illness as anyone else. 

However, as the media is known to do, they have sensationalized Andre’s on screen meltdown and accused his family of betrayal.  They accuse his family of betraying him because they saw Andre in trouble and involuntarily signed him into a mental health facility.

Betrayed?  Why aren’t we examining their actions as an act of love?  Is it possible the family’s deep-seated love for Andre compelled them to ensure his safety from himself and protect him from harming others?

In one Empire showing, Andre had at least two “episodes.”  He is a tall, strong black man, who happens to live in America.  Would you want to be trapped in an elevator with him alone while he is having an episode?  What would your first reaction be?  Let me guess – call the police.  I don’t blame you either.  One of my adult children has the same disorder.  I recently informed him I would put him in the hospital if he couldn’t control himself.  This awareness made him angry.

But when a mental health consumer, like Andre, makes a poor decision, i.e. to stop taking their medication, the family has one of two choices:

1.     Volunteer for bizarre, unexpected behavior that harms both the mental health patient/consumer and anyone they potentially come into contact with, thereby, demonstrating their ability to threaten the well-being of others; or

2.     Ensure the safety of everyone involved and let the medical professionals treat our loves ones, thereby, affirming the value of the lives and safety of all involved.

Television has certainly evolved and is doing an excellent job bringing the stories and issues central to the African American community and other communities to light.  However, my hope is that we, as intelligent, caring, proactive humans, can ignore the media’s need to sensationalize an important and emotional issue and seek out the proper information to both help and protect our loved ones – thereby ushering them into a place of healing and wholeness. 

Michelle Baynes Owens is a freelance writer who lives in York, PA.  She runs a blog on the topics of depression, recovery and spirituality at http://michellethemystic.blogspot.com/

Adventures in Mental Health Advocacy: Connected to Our Kin

Years ago, a family member, by marriage, was being mistreated and shunned.  What bothered me about the family’s response to his mental illness was:

1.       The family had known for decades something was different about this person;

2.       The family chose to shun him into “correct” behavior;

3.       The family was very vocal and judgmental about the misgivings and shortcomings of other people in general while completely blind to their own faults; and

4.       The family was unable to see and understand the magnitude of the harm they were causing to their loved one.

I was so bothered by their behavior that I spoke up.  I asked them, “How dare you not help him?  You have always known something was different about him.”  Especially when I began to understand this family knew of his illness when he was only 8 years old. 

This family’s truth is a psychiatrist prophesied the patient would end up in one of three places – jail, homeless or dead.  When I met him, he has visited the first two places and, by God’s grace, was still alive and in his 30’s.

Before I spoke up, the family had ceased offering emotional, financial or physical support.  Most of the time, no one knew where he was for months at a time.  And when he did reappear, his living arrangements involved abandoned houses, shelters or some woman who was quickly growing tired of him.  His body might even reflected a new set of scars from his latest attempts at self-harm.

Little did I know, in advocating for him, I was standing up for myself.  In the journey of his life, he now has stable housing, a source of income and his mental illness.  But, he is also in counseling.

This above family member is/was connected to me by marriage.  Although that marriage has ended, I still hold a special place in my heart for this man. 

In fact, I spoke him a few times while visiting my counseling agency.  He said to me, “You know, I want to tell you something.  I was able to address my mental health problems because you were so open about yours.”

Today, I wonder if he ever experienced the inner rage I felt for my family not being more proactive in assisting me with my emotional dysfunctions.  I understand, in reflection, why he would talk to his family in angry, aggressive tones sometimes.  Granted, I’m not a therapist but I bet he felt alone in the world.  That feeling of being alone in the world is enough to make anyone angry because of the underlying fear. 

Then to admit to yourself that the people who brought you into the world and have blood ties to you are unwilling to TRY and understand your dysfunctions is difficult to accept too.  If their lack of support has stemmed over a season of decades, the pain is even stronger. 

As the mental health patient begins to understand the labels and symptoms associated with past behaviors, and the warning signals they displayed, anger towards the family for “not knowing” and “not helping” is probably common.

For those of us with mental health issues, our families have a lot of shame.  This is the only disease that brings about a large sense of shame and embarrassment within the family unit.  They deal with the matter by remaining in denial about our sickness, blaming the patient and believing he/she should “know better.”  The family’s choice to remain angry at the consumer, who typically cannot help

themselves because they aren’t even living in their own reality, is not a solution.  Remaining silent and ignoring the problem in the hopes that it will go away is not the solution either. 

Who tries to help find a solution?  Any solution for the family unit that is suffering as a whole?

In this adventure of advocacy, I believe everyone can participate in the solution.  My part is to share my personal story.  I have to reveal to the world what it is like knowing I have mental health issues, what it is like realizing I have been sick for a long time without any self-awareness and how I began to chart a path toward personal healing.  Sharing with others, even if it is one person at a time, what it is like taking medication, how I felt as a result of my family’s response to my mental health and the ways I monitor myself and my behavior can only help. 

Another solution is for family members to begin listening.  Breathe, listen and listen some more.  Reflect.  Be honest about the past.  Then, gather information for many resources about how to assist, support or, at the very least, not be a part of the problem anymore.

My hope is that others will see how they can help their kindred instead of ignoring the problem and remaining silent. 

The human voice is so powerful.  Already, in one-on-one conversations I have been able to share with non-mental health consumers what their family members are experiencing as they spiral downward into depression or race fast forward towards a brick wall.  I encourage others to help their loved ones, recognize their bizarre and often strange calls for help and to not look for someone to blame. 

What the mental health consumer needs is support.  And, sometimes that looks like tough love – in order to protect themselves and others from harm.  There is a solution for our dilemma.  And if we could all move past the shame, both the family and the mental health consumer can recover.

Thank You, Lord: A Place in God's House

            One of my favorite Gospel songs is sung by Fred Hammond, Thank You, Lord.  This song has been resonating in my spirit for about three weeks now.  I have to say, “I am so grateful and thankful to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

            Often, when people speak of being thankful, it can be felt by the speaker.  I’m not sure if I can deliver that atmosphere in a blog post, but I just felt so compelled to write. 

The catalyst for my gratitude is I just left a worship experience and faith community that is welcoming, affirming and loving towards people managing their mental health.

            This “outside the box” God that I serve loves me so much that I was lead to read a small newspaper publication announcing a “café conversation” about anxiety.  What started as a curious compelling to partake of the conversation eventually turned into a wonderful worship experience, manna from heaven and a few more people in my support system.

            The shared life experiences of us gathered in the café, combined with a willingness to be transparent, confirmed what I suspected for quite some time – God loves the mentally ill too and makes provision for them in the church.

            If only my African-American faith community could be so open and affirming.  My hope is that one day they will.  But until then, I will focus on being a part of the solution and helping them understand the necessity of their support for people just like me.

            Granted, there are many things I could vocalize complaints.  But, on the eve of my 49^th birthday, I have so much to be thankful for, I prefer to praise God.

            Thanking him for being a partaker of his grace, life, health and strength.  For being there for me and his love being available even when I was going down.  God has been on my side, even when it didn’t seem like it.  My God was surely there.

            Maybe you feel the same way.  Maybe you don’t.  But remember, God’s grace, love and blessing are available to all willing to receive – mental illness or not.  So, join me, if you will, in thanking the Lord.

Be blessed,

M

Depression and Spirituality

Three gifts of Silent Solitude

Taking the time to learn about how my mental health and illness impact my life has allowed me to deeply ponder the Word and the image I reflect in Christ.       

Although many Christians would not embrace major depressive disorder as an “approved” illness Christ would assist me in managing, their opinions don’t matter to me anymore.  I tried it their way.  I failed.

Now I am taking a different approach.  An empowering approach.  In deciding to educate myself about mental health, mental illness, balance and self-care, I’ve discovered many precious jewels of Truth revealed in the Word, in addition to discovering gems within my own soul that are resources to assist in my daily recovery.

The Gifts of Solitude

1.     Friendship with the Spirit – Without access to a telephone, cable or even a large network of supportive friends, I was alone many days in silence.  Initially, aware my depression could thrive in isolation, I was intentional about grooming my relationship with Christ and growing spiritually.  Many days and nights were spent listening to sermons, Gospel music and engaging in positive self-talk in order to remain encouraged, uplifted and in the healing process.

The results were tremendous.  I began to see me, a person recovering from mental illness, in the Scriptures.  I began to hear the Word preached in ways that guided me into healing and ministered to my often sad, emotional state.  I wasn’t rejected by God, even though some in the church would have me believe that.  I was accepted by God in spite of any illness that sought to keep us apart.

2.     Friendship with myself – I learned how to begin being happy with me and my own company.  This world is gifted in leading me to believe I need something other than me to find happiness.  Or, I know this is true for me, I used to think I needed other people’s approval to embrace myself or confirm a new path in life.

That’s not true anymore.  Since I have spent so much time with me, I learned how to like myself and enjoy my company.  I started pursuing hobbies that in the past were only sincere wishes.  It is amazing how much money you don’t need to enjoy the world around you.

3.     Peace with others – For me, forgiving others for anything is very important because Christ forgave me for so much.  What is interesting is that as I began to grow stronger within me, by being gentle with myself, I resumed being gentle with other people for their faults and shortcomings.  We are all human, prone to err and in need of our Savior’s redeeming grace.  It’s okay for you to be you because certainly it is okay for me to be me.

In accepting my depression and learning how to manage it, I have moved into a more secure emotional and mental frame of mind.  The Word of God and my faith have ushered me into a form of self-acceptance that was elusive for many, many years. 

This solitude has allow me to accept the fact that I’m different, I’m okay and all will be well.  How do I know?  Because I am created in God’s image and God said so.  My God does have the final say, you know!

Be blessed,

Michelle

Spirituality Helps Achieve Balanced Mental Health

“It is not that ‘spirituality can cure depression, but [that it] may provide a

grounding in the midst of despair…”

~ Rev. John Parker Maxwell, Baltimore’s First Unitarian Church

            One of my personal, working definitions of spirituality is “engaging my faith in God to help me remain hopeful about the future.”  Another one is, “using my relationship with God to cope with daily life experiences.”

 

Man by Gustavo Rezende

            Seeking God’s presence, guidance and blessing while living out daily experiences is how I can cope with whatever the day brings. (Psalm 42)

            My reality is depression and anxiety are normal, habitual responses to life events.  Denying the existence of these conditions leads me back to self-destructive responses.  So, when life seems too much to bear, I tap into my relationship with God as an additional support to manage my mental health.

            Now, many people believe that faith or spirituality alone is all a person needs to achieve a balanced, mental state.  I tried it that way.  It doesn’t work for me.

            For me, I need to exercise my faith.  This means challenging my fears, forget what society stays about mental illness and step outside my comfort zone to take care of me.  For this reason, therapy, medication and attendance at 12-step meetings are the additional tools and resources necessary for my continuous, uninterrupted recovery from my co-occurring disorders.  I use those tools in conjunction with prayer, medication and reading the Word of God.

            If the church, as Jayson Bradley states in his blog post, Sinners Anonymous: Less Church, More Recovery, could successfully minister to ALL people struggling with mental illness and addictions, then “outsiders would come to us for sanctuary from themselves.”

            I’m a member of the clergy and learned, a long time ago, not to share my personal pain and emotional struggles with many people in the church.  The church’s hands-off approach towards mental illness feeds the stigma and pushes those of us who seek to reconcile our weakness with our faith -- outside the doors of the church.  Is this really what Christ intended?

            I think not.

            So, many days, I practice my spirituality in private by listening to sermons on YouTube, reading the Word of God and speaking with my therapist, in detail, about myself, my thinking, my behavior, weaknesses and struggles in light of my perceptions of God and how the Word impacts my thinking and behavior.  So far, so good.  I’m healing one day at a time.

 

Triad by Katrina Joyner

            The results of my faith grounding me looks like my mind is more settled.  I have called a moratorium on self-harm and I have taken several steps away from self-destructive thoughts and behaviors.  I’m not cured yet, but, I am on the path of recovery from co-occurring disorders. 

Yes, “they” also forgot to tell us depression and anxiety can be cured with an 80% success rate! 

So, this post is a word of encouragement to those of us that are not “normal” and need to creatively sustain our productive, healthy existence on earth.  Remember, We Do Recover! Therefore, creatively use your faith to ground you in your recovery and sustain you in managing life.

Be Blessed,

Mystic Michelle

Spirituality Helps Achieve A Balanced Mental Health

“It is not that ‘spirituality can cure depression, but [that it] may provide a

grounding in the midst of despair…”

~ Rev. John Parker Maxwell, Baltimore’s First Unitarian Church

                One of my personal, working definitions of spirituality is “engaging my faith in God to help me remain hopeful about the future.”  Another one is, “using my relationship with God to cope with daily life experiences.”

                Depression and anxiety are my normal, habitual responses to life events.  Denying the existence of these conditions leads me back to self-destructive responses when life seems too much to bear.  Therefore, I tap into my relationship with God as an additional support to manage my mental health.

                Now, many people believe that faith or spirituality alone is all a person needs to achieve a balanced, mental state.  I tried it that way.  It doesn’t work for me. 

                For me, I need to exercise my faith and step outside my comfort zone, and society’s expectations, to take care of me.  For this reason, therapy, medication and attendance at 12-step meetings are the additional tools and resources necessary for my continuous, uninterrupted recovery from my co-occurring disorders.  I use those tools in conjunction with prayer, medication and reading the Word of God.

                If the church, as Jayson Bradley states in his blog post, Sinners Anonymous: Less Church, More Recovery, could successfully minister to ALL people struggling with mental illness and addictions, then “outsiders would come to us for sanctuary from themselves.”

                I’m a member of the clergy and learned, a long time ago, not to share my personal pain and emotional struggles with many people in the church.  The church’s hands-off approach towards mental illness feeds the stigma and pushes those of us who seek to reconcile our weakness with our faith -- outside the doors of the church.  Is this really what Christ intended?

                I think not.

                So, many days, I practice my spirituality in private by listening to sermons on YouTube, reading the Word of God and speaking with my therapist, in detail, about myself, my thinking, my behavior, weaknesses and struggles in light of my perceptions of God and how the Word impacts my thinking and behavior.  So far, so good.  I’m healing one day at a time.

                The results of my faith grounding me looks like my mind is more settled, I am causing harm to myself less often and I have taken several steps away from self-destructive thoughts and behaviors.  I’m not cured yet, but, I am on the path of recovery from co-occurring disorders. 

Yes, “they” also forgot to tell us depression and anxiety can be cured with an 80% success rate! 

So, this post is a word of encouragement to those of us that are not “normal” and need to creatively sustain our productive, healthy existence on earth.  Remember, We Do Recover! Therefore, creatively use your faith to ground you in your recovery and sustain you in managing life.

Be Blessed,

M