Finding Wellness in Acceptance

After all the sorrow one can feel inside and all the blame thrown at God, the psalmist surrenders.

This surrender is also a humble, quiet reality check where he admits, “This is my anguish. This is my lot in life.”

I’ve been dealing with this particular situation (this anguish, adversity, and affliction) for quite some time now and I’m tired.  I surrender. 

His soul refused to be comforted maybe because he had an illness or form of trouble that would not be altered.  Long-term disability is a modern-day term.  Thorn in the flesh is a theological descriptor.  “Pain in the butt situation” in another way to say it too.

The chances of relief – complete deliverance, assurance of salvation -- seem to not exist.

Truth:  As Christians, we want to believe that God will rescue us and fix every situation.  The truth is, God does not!  It is the truth and you know it.  There are some situations we just have to accept.

This Bible passage proves it.  Psalm 77:10-15.  The psalmist surrenders and says, this is my lot, my place of suffering in life.  Yet, he also says, “But in spite of this truth, God has been good…”

Yes he does want to be well, (comforted is the Hebrew word) but he admits it is not going to happen – at least not today, if at all.    So instead, he finds comfort is God’s past acts.  He finds comfort in the memories of God’s past acts.  He says, “I will focus on the years gone by when God has been good in other areas of life, even if I don’t see his hand in this area…I want to be comforted, but in case I don’t get comfort…it is okay.”

This is my anguish – this is what I have to deal with.  Emotionally and intellectually, even theologically, the writer wrestles with God.  Then, he finds comfort in remembering.  I remember all the mighty, wonderful, powerful things God has done over the years. 

He remembers and talks about God’s painful deeds, God’s wonders (extraordinary, hard to be understood dealings with your people) and God’s actions.

The psalmist says, “I remember your works.”  How you delivered me from trouble, fed me, comforted my emotions (you name it).  In fact, I will meditate (thoughtfully consider each incident) of past works.  They are so wonderful, complicated and extraordinary, I have no choice but to talk of your deeds.  “I gotta tell others what you have done because you have done some great, great acts.”

Your way is the best way (v. 13 – your way is in the sanctuary).  Is there anyone so great as you?  No.  You are the great God.

You do wonders man can’t comprehend.  I can’t comprehend. 

You declare you strength whenever you act in ways of wonder.

Everyone can see your strength, if they acknowledge the wonders they see as you performing miracles.

You, and only you, redeem people. 

Alcoholics stop drinking.  Gamblers managing their money.  People who watch porn regaining right relationship with people in society.  These are your wonderful acts of redemption.

Summation

Do you want to be well?  Are you willing to find comfort in God?  It is possible after being self-absorbed and stuck in a pity party if we are willing to come out of the funk to remember and acknowledge God’s past acts and, in doing that, we reaffirm our faith and our own sense of powerlessness under the Mighty Hand of God.  

G.E. Patterson... You are not In it alone!!!

Part 2: Do You Want to be Well?

Wellness: Remaining in the Psychological/Spiritual Process

Let us continue to examine the psalmist’s attitude in Psalm 77:4-9.

The last post determined he, the psalmist, is in trouble and seeking comfort.  He is also trapped in his feelings and focused on himself.

By way of context, my question for this troubled soul, which may be in anguish, discouraged or filled with despair, is why seek God?  Do you really want to be well?

Last week, verses 1-3 revealed a self-focused person caught up in how they felt.  This is also evidence of someone living in constant fear:  “What about me?” 

Now, in verses 4-9, we see some progression in his thoughts.  He is moving from fear to an examination of his own faith. 

Author: kasiastock

First, though, he blames God by saying:  I can’t sleep because of you.  “You hold my eyelids open.”  Yet, his accusation goes a bit farther by stating, “I’m so troubled, I cannot speak.”  Some versions say he cannot pray.

Why can’t he pray?  Again, self-focused and now, a victim.  “Because you did this to me, I can’t…”

This could be interpreted as 1) blaming God for not being able to sleep, rest, take his mind off his trouble; or 2) blaming God for not being able to pray.  “You are not giving me what I want (sleep, relief from trouble), so I cannot pray.  I cannot talk to you.

Temper tantrum? 

Possible.

Examining One’s own Faith

Now the psalmist moves.  He moves from fear-based thinking to faith-based reflection.

Remembering

Our memories are powerful resources of comfort or trauma.  In this instance, the psalmist begins to remember.  These are good memories of God’s acts.  The praises the writer lifted up to God in the past are included in his present moment.  He ponders.  I call it, reflection.  It is like a cow chewing on the same piece of grass for hours and getting every nutrient possible.

The psalmist meditates within his heart (chews) and begins to search for God through a series of questions based on memory.  (Remember, God rewards those who diligently seek him. (Hebrews 11:6))

I like the questions because they allow us to peek into the human mind’s thoughts about God.  Do they stand for or against God’s solid promises of protection, peace and provision?  It is difficult, if not impossible, to admit that God is not what our feelings say, but who God says God is.

Questioning

The psalmist asks:

Will God leave me on my own forever?

This pain has lasted so long, this trouble seems to be never ending.  Will God ever show me favor again?

Another natural concern arises when the psalmist says, has God’s promises failed ME?  Are God’s promises for other people only?

Has God forgotten to be gracious and kind to me?  Does God even know what I am going through?  How much longer before I experience God’s kindness?

Has God closed the door and refused to be merciful to me anymore?

Powerful questions.  Honest, human questions.

Wellness, sometimes, is doubted because we know we need God’s help to achieve the greatest and healthiest acts towards ourselves.  If wellness is thinking good thoughts about ourselves and our situations, we need help sometimes.  If wellness is balance in the mind, body and soul, we still need help sometimes.

Our old habits don’t die easily, our flesh cries out to be constantly served and our external living troubles never cease.  So, we question God while trying to remember God’s kindness of the past and promises found in the Word for the provision of our present.

We can achieve wellness if we keep pushing.  Seeking God though our feelings, thoughts and His promises is often the way we find God.

Next time

This is not the end of the psalmist’s interactions with God.  But it is where this post ends.

It is a good ending place because it prompts reflection.  When have you questioned God in the face of trouble?  Did you move past this point in a positive or negative direction?  Has God’s history proven enough to groom your faith to the next level?  Has God’s proven Himself in your life?  What promises has God fulfilled in your life? 

Leave a comment about how God has proven Himself in your life.

Until next time…

M

Do you want to be Well?

Author: bbbar

Saying something and doing something are two different things.

Wellness is a hot topic nowadays.  It implies a person’s existence in completely in sync with one’s self.  Mind, body, soul and, for some people, spirit.  Generally, being in synch with one’s self is something desired, but do you, or I, have the right attitude towards achieving this state of being?

The question arises from a passage of scripture found in Psalm 77:2.  The author admits that he was praying and speaking with God, but his soul “refused to be comforted.” 

What an interesting observation.  It reminded me of the question Jesus asked the man at the pool of Bethesda, “Do you want to be well?”    

Wellness is more than saying we want it.

Wellness is more than believing we can achieve it.

Wellness is something we DO. 

We consciously decide to get better and move towards better in thought, deed and actions.  We make a decision to not harm ourselves.  And, then we do something to confirm that decision.  We sit through tough feelings and resist the temptation to touch an idol (cigarettes, credit card or slot machine) to wax numb human feelings.

Do we really want to be well?

Every time a shopaholic, drug addict/alcoholic or gambler stops their behavior, there is a great deal of courage that goes into their inaction.  Yes, sometimes not doing anything is the most powerful, courageous act of the day.

Sitting still in the murky mess of jumbled feelings and sick lurching stomach movements is difficult.  Resisting the cyclical thought to GO shop, GO eat, smoke or gamble is an honorable, brave act. 

And the people who are successful are telling themselves and others, “I am finished hurting myself.” 

They surrender.  They know acting out in this same dysfunctional behavior is going to lead to the same dumb, stupid results and we just don’t want those results anymore.  We want new results.

And we make new decisions to stay well each day.  Sometimes one minute at a time but we make the decision consciously, courageously and publicly.  Hats off to you!

What are the barriers to wellness?

Barrier to Wellness #1:  Refusing to be comforted is the equivalent of being unwilling to accept responsibility.  If you read the first three verses of the biblical passage, you will notice that the psalmist is consumed with their own self.

I….

I…

I…

I cried out to God with my voice—
To God with my voice;
And He gave ear to me.
² In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord;
My hand was stretched out in the night without ceasing;
My soul refused to be comforted.
³ I remembered God, and was troubled;
I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah

Selah means repeat.  So twice, the psalmist says…

“God.  Can you hear me?  Can you hear me? I am crying, I am crying.  I am in trouble.  I am in trouble.  I am stretching my hand to you.  I am stretching my hand to you.  All the time I am stretching my hands to you.  All the time I am stretching my hands to you.  I remember you and feel trouble.  I remember you and feel trouble.  I am complaining.  I am complaining.  I am overwhelmed.  I am overwhelmed.”

He is certainly consumed with how he feels.

The psalmist is also so engrossed in his emotions, he notices that he is unwilling to be comforted. 

He is unwilling to be soothed. 

This reminds me of an infant that can’t talk and just cries, and cries and cries.  Eventually, the infant’s caregiver says, “What’s wrong?  Tell me what is wrong?”  But the infant cannot respond in words.

Barrier to Wellness #2:  Bad attitude.

All of these words point to a bad attitude.  In other words, he has made up his mind about how he is going to deal with this situation at this point.  “I don’t feel good, I don’t like what is happening, I am stuck right here and even though I am talking to God, I, I, I…!”

(Gulp)

Time for an attitude checkup.  Do you want to be well?

Barrier to Wellness #3:  Complete focus on the situation – the trouble.  Yes, when trouble strikes, it can hit hard.  Loved one with cancer – trouble.  Child with failing grades – trouble.  Marriage on the rocks – trouble.  The psalmist is focused on the situation and the emotions springing from the trouble.  How can he get well?

This post is part 1 of 3.  Please take some time to reflect on your attitude towards wellness.  In fact, are you aware of any other barriers to wellness?  If so, post them in the comments section.  I would love to hear from you!

Be blessed,

M

Living in the Solution: Dealing with Mentally Ill Family Members

Author:

 

Sergey Nivens

There is a mental health facility in my neighborhood that houses patients.  Non-residents can use this place for respite during the day.  They are blessed.  Social contact and communal engagement helps promote a sense of belonging in a human.  It is one of our basic human needs.

Lately, my thoughts have wondered how long it takes some mental health patients, without this kind of support, to adjust to loneliness and isolation.  The question arises because one aspect of said illnesses is poor interpersonal relationships.  An inability to get along with others is frequent and deeply felt by both the mental health patient and those that belong to their family.  Poor relationships - that in and of itself is not surprising.

Bipolar patients have unexpected mood swings.  Depressed consumers rarely want to leave their beds or homes for social interaction.  Anxious people are always excited about “something” and can either present as overly aggressive, boisterous or always moving around.

Family members choose one of several solutions:

Avoidance – “Is (Harry) going to be there?  I’m not coming.  He’s crazy.  He is difficult to talk to and you just never know what he is going to do or say next.” 

Some people choose to not engage at all with moody people.  The constant uncertainty of their behavior, vocalized intentions and unexpected stories make it difficult to hear, observe or participate in live while they are around. 

Author:

 

vectoraart

This solution works for the “well” person but does little for the consumer.  Isolation, already delivered by the consumer’s hand to themselves, now becomes an external experience too.  The loneliness drives some to commit suicide, use drugs or act out sexually.  But, in the self-centered world we live in, that is the mental health consumer’s problem, not anyone else’s.  Right? 

Especially since this same person has caused so much harm and wrecked so much havoc in the family home.  What responsibility does the family have to this person after years and years of abuse?

Acceptance – This family unit accepts their crazy cousin and all the drama they bring to life.  Mind you, the mental health consumer (crazy cousin) is totally unaware of their bizarre nature.  In fact, because people often laugh at what he/she does, the consumer thinks they are normal.  They continue “entertaining” family members because some attention is better than none.

They accept this loved one, give them food and shelter after each “binge” of bad behavior that can result in a trip to jail, three days in the street chasing drugs or any other abnormal disappearance.  Eventually, the family might get tired.  Some don’t.

Assistance – This family unit tries to assist the mental health consumer.  They invite them to events, ask them did they take their meds, remind them when they do or say something inappropriate, and hug them to let them know they are loved and accepted regardless of their quirkiness.  This kind of support assists a patient’s pursuit towards wellness.

 

Author: 3DAgentur

For those that don’t know they are sick, these families have interventions to confront the bizarre behavior and ask the loved one to get help.  This kind of support may be unwelcomed, but it is an act love.

Probably the best thing about this kind of family unit is communication.  They talk to each other and probably, at some point, have talked to a mental health professional about their loved one.  That makes sense.  Just like drug and alcohol addictions are family diseases, so is a mental health disorder.  It is a disease that impacts the family.

Where are you?

Which family unit would you desire to belong to?  Which family member are you?  One who avoids, accepts/denies a loved one’s condition?  Or, are you in that glorious, rare group of families that assists your loved one as best you can?

The last option probably happens in healthy family units versus dysfunctional ones.  This also means a healthy faith community, work environment or social group.  We have so much to learn about each other.  Extending grace and love and mercy towards others is a gift that many are unwilling to give.  To those of you that do, thank you.  You are truly an example of “living in the solution of life.”

 

Be blessed,

M