Letting Go: Embrace the New

When a shift in our life occurs, we grow unsettled.  Especially when the shift brings about a new outlook in who we thought we were.  We are now on a different part of the self-discovery journey.

Have you ever experienced a shift in your identity?

This can occur because our children leave home.  It can happen because we experience the loss of a parent.  It can happen when we stop practicing a destructive behavior or living out a negative belief.  A shift in who we are is taking place and, often, it is uncomfortable because with this change comes a future that is unclear.

I remember when I got a divorce.  I was no longer a wife.  There was a change going on with my identity.  What I soon discovered was how much of my personhood was connected to this title/role “wife.”  Now who was I going to be and do?  What would this mean to me and for the world in which I live?

Survival Mode

The separation and divorce I went through pushed me into survival mode.   My biggest fear became “How was I going to take care of myself?” 

What I did?  I started manipulating and reaching for anything that would help me feel “safe” in spite of the consequences.  It wasn’t good.  Gratefully, as I moved towards my new identity as a single woman, I found some peace.

 

For those of us in recovery, we, at some point, make a shift from living our lives in survival mode to a life of calmness and composure. 

In survival mode, we had to eat what was put in front of us, wear what was available and go where we could to get our emotional, physical and, yes, sexual needs met.  But now, in recovery, after some sanity has been restored, we can exhale.  We can relax a bit.

Although there is still a mess to clean up, there is hope on the horizon.

The Transition

Naturally, moving from survival mode to calmness comes with stable housing, a sense of financial security, a community of friends and, if we are lucky, restoration of familial relationship too.  Some people stop here.  Other people secure jobs, cars, retirement plans and much more.  It is especially delightful to see people take control of their physical health too.

But are we digging deep enough?

Are we addressing the negative beliefs and behaviors that sustained while in survival mode?

Are we willing to let go of manipulation, greed and lying to live at peace with God and our fellow brothers and sisters?

The Challenge to Change

It is one thing to say we are changing.  But are we really releasing the “old self” that functioned in survival mode? Or, are we choosing to live as an empowered “Self,” in charge of our choices and pursuing the destiny God has revealed for our lives?

“Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.” – Marianne Williamson

The challenge is to go the extra mile.  To change and evolve and prosper into the existence God has called for us.

Settling for poor health, broken relationships and bitter, cluttered spirits is not God’s will.  We must, we can be willing to let go of what doesn’t work for our lives and embrace those things that affirm who we are as people and children of God.

What am I talking about?  I am talking about being your best you.  I am talking about releasing those attitudes that don’t serve you well.

What does this mean?

It means we are saying yes to God.  We are positioning ourselves to cooperate with God to do His work and represent Him in every area of our lives.  We let go of old behaviors and beliefs in exchange for healthier ideas, attitudes and behaviors. 

In the process of change occurring in our insides, our own perception of who we see ourselves to be, it is important to remember who we are in the foundation of our existence. 

Our foundation is rooted in us being human first, with a set of basic needs that we desire to have fulfilled.  When we are hurting or in a transition phase, we still desire to have those needs met – but it is important to find new ways to meet those needs because we are in the process of “letting go.”  Letting go of what does not work, letting go of people who have exited the center stage of our lives, letting go of the past.

M

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, in the precious name of Jesus, I thank you for self-discovery. You have already suggested my steps. Allow me to embrace this journey and walk in faith.  I no longer want to be held back to what was and what will be.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!  I was lost, unsure and confused, but it’s something about the name of Jesus that has brought me peace. As I continue to walk in this journey, God, please open my eyes so I can see.  Enhance my hearing so I can hear You give me the wisdom necessary to know the Your will for my life and the proper attitudes and behaviors.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

BDB

Demonstrating Self-Care: How we Choose to Care for our Bodies

I showed up at work one day and saw a familiar face.  This face has no name, but I see it often in the town where I live.  On this day, the unknown man had two legs. 

The next time I saw him, he had one leg.  He was on crutches and one of his pant’s legs was pinned up because there was not a leg to fill the space.  It was at that moment, I realized with both shock and horror, that my diabetes is not going away.  I was really scared now.

The Truth

Diabetes kills more Americans every year than AIDS and breast cancer combined.

I am not a fan of statistics, but they do make a good point.  The above statement tells me a few things:

1.       Diabetes is a deadly disease;

2.       Many people don’t take care of this disease; and

3.       I will die, along with many other people, if I don’t take care of my health.

The Point

What I want to convey in this post is accepting we have a medical condition is the first step in recovery.  Once we accept the poor condition of our physical health, we can do something – good or bad – that could change the course of our lives.

Recovery

When I think about recovery in terms of bouncing back from abusing drugs or alcohol, I think about victory, success and freedom.  Defining the word recover mean understanding the prefix, re-, which stands for “again.”  The Latin root of the word recover is “to get again.”  According to Google, “recover” means to return, again, to a normal state of health, mind or strength.

At what point did we have a “normal” state of health, mind or strength?  That is a question that only you can answer.  But, if we were once in a good place with our physical, mental and emotional health – spiritual too – it stands to reason we can return there.

Now, going back to good health after years of self-abuse requires work.  A commitment to work.  A commitment to demonstrate to ourselves that we love and care for ourselves.  This is deeper than having the latest fashion outfit or knowing how to talk the coolest slang.  This is about life or death.  This is about living as long as we can, as best we can.

It is one thing to dress up the outside and spew prophetic words of encouragement to friends and family on Facebook and at family reunions. 

But it is something totally different to practice being good to ourselves after receiving news from the doctor that we have diabetes, cancer or some other tragic diagnosis.

The Road to Recovery

My experience tells me that every time I have ever tried to recover, I had to begin by accepting my poor condition and deciding to do something about it.  You too.

We must accept that we did a lot of damage with those poor choices in the early days of life.  In the process of acceptance, there is anger, confusion, denial, depression and, for some of us, defeat.

Then what?

Then, we have a choice to make. 

Do we cooperate with the illness?  Accept the diagnosis of poor health and agree to die quickly?  (Go to the bitter end of leg amputations, kidney failure and death.)

Or, do we do our best to re-cover?  Do we do our best to learn how to do some things different and live healthier lives?   To commit to try and regain some sense of good health and inner peace with who and what we are as we transition into the later stages of life?

These are important questions.  But they are also questions that demand answers.  And, don’t think that if you don’t answer the question, you have not made a decision.  No.  We make decisions daily to act in our best interest or as our own worst enemy.

Please don’t think I am preaching at you.  I am talking and writing for myself as well.

I am writing to inspire myself to do my very best by me.  I am writing to inspire you to do better in how you treat you. 

My motive for writing is to encourage you to use your God-given gift of intelligence to educate yourself on your illness and do what you can to be well.  (I can’t define your wellness, but you can.)

My Journey

When I got through the stage of depression about my diagnosis of diabetes, I decided to FINALLY research reversing the condition.  I came across a book called The Blood Sugar Solution, by Dr. Mark Hyman.  It changed my health.

What have you done to change your condition in life? 

What barriers prevent you from being the best you that you can be at this age of your life?

Living in the Solution

I have found in my many journeys into recovery, that a supportive community helps.  I joined Dr. Mark Hyman’s Facebook community of people seeking to reverse their diabetes.  I got rid of foods that made me sick and began to stock up and reach for foods that would make me healthier.

Granted, there is much work to do, but what I am learning is this – I must make good choices DAILY for my health.  I must practice what I teach to those who know me by continuing to educate myself about my health, take personal responsibility for my health and advocate for myself to get what I need. 

You can do this too.  So, get busy loving on you in ways that glorify God and the beautiful temple he has given you called – your body.

Be blessed,

M

Black Panther: One Addict’s Ray of Hope

As you can probably imagine, I just viewed the movie Black Panther.  There are a number of adjectives to describe the powerful impact this movie had on my psychological and spiritual identities.  However, this reflection will only focus on one subject...gently dealing with self and others. 

The themes of love, patriotism, family, forgiveness, hatred and power are just a few that resonate in the movie’s portrayal of a black comic strip icon called the Black Panther.  Since I never read the comic books, the movie certainly prompts me to give them a glance.

However, there was one particular scene in the movie that stood out for me.  Allow me to set up the context of my mind and the movie’s scene.

Having recently gone over a sixth step with my sponsor, I am keenly aware of my character defects.  If you are reading this and are not familiar with the recovery movement, let me say this:  all 12-step programs encourage the recovering person to look at who they are, as best they can, and move to a higher level of self-awareness and accountability to God, self and mankind.  (That’s the easiest, shortest way to explain it.)

The sixth step is a difficult step for any recovering person to complete.  The recovering person gets to look at the ugliest characteristics of their personhood.  Without revealing my own traits, I will say this step leaves you feeling humble, humiliated and very AWARE of who you are in a negative light. 

This morning, I pondered the thought that no matter how much I want/wanted to do the right thing with my life and for others involved in my life, I still made mistakes.  Absolutely, no one, and I do mean, no one, is perfect.  Even the Bible underscores this fact by stating, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  (Romans 3:23-27)

Then I remembered an intimate moment on the phone with one of my adult children.  This particular adult broke down in tears when I carefully explained that their behavior in one particular work incident was unacceptable.  This child’s response was, “I just want to be perfect.”

But as the movie reminded me today, “No [wo]man is perfect.”  The lead character of the movie was feeling dismayed, angry and disappointed about a huge mistake his father had made.  In an effort to calm the character’s anger, his friend/lover responded, “No man is perfect.”

The truth is, we all make mistakes.  Whether intentional or not, our mistakes, regardless of their motives, cause the world to deal with the consequences of our actions. 

But we all make mistakes.  We can be angry at ourselves and others for these mistakes, but that doesn’t change the fact that they happened.  So, with enough time and energy, it is important to love on ourselves in spite of who we are – when ugly or pretty.  Be gentle to yourself.  And while you are at it, be gentle with others.  No man is perfect.

Just as the movie reminded me today, though, I have a choice.  We all have a choice. 

We can either live in the regret and remorse of the mistake, ignore the wrong or do our best to make things better.

Doing my sixth step left me feeling bad about many things.  Yet, I silently resolved to do my best to be a better person in the days and weeks ahead.  The movie, thank God, afforded me the opportunity that when I try to do the right thing for the right reasons, things may not go smoothly, but they will get better…for a lot of people.

So, my words of encouragement today are this:  be real about who you are and what you have done.  Work diligently to be the better person you desire to be.  If you have to clean up your own mess or someone else’s, do so with grace, diligence and a heart of compassion towards yourself and others.

In this way, we can make the world a better place.

Be blessed,

Michelle