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Living and Dealing with Mental Illness

An untreated mental illness can wreak havoc in the lives of a patient’s loved ones.

Currently, a friend of mine is in an episode that has already lasted several weeks.  The behavior has resulted in mismanagement of money, an eviction notice and, possibly, a return to substance abuse. 

Out of concern and sorrow, I placed a call only to discover there really isn’t much anyone can do.  The courts and mental health organizations need clear proof that this person is a danger to self or others.  And, they are.  Just not in ways that can legally justify secluding this person.  Not in ways that prove someone will be directly hurt with knives or guns or suicide.

What we normally do?

Normally, we worry.  We try to fix, rescue, plead and bargain.  Ultimately, it is probably common that when a family surrenders to their loved one’s behavior, they get to stand by and watch in horror and know they can do nothing. 

It is clear to me that there should be some nuances in the laws that uphold my friend’s right but also make it impossible for his/her poor judgment to continuously lead to acts of self-harm.

We have free will.

What can we do?

Pray.

Set boundaries.

Listen.

Talk about how I feel.

Remain available to assist in the solution.

Because I am not a mental health specialist or trained in administering healthcare, I want to clearly state that these are solutions I have found workable for me. 

After carefully listening to others that have travelled this beaten path, I understand I can’t make anyone do what they don’t want to do.  If my friends or family members don’t want to take care of themselves, maybe there is little I can do.  Maybe the only thing I can do is pray.  The prayers I send up help me remain centered in my own care by looking up to a Source stronger than I.

Meditate.  Interestingly, people meditate in different ways.  For me, meditation is listening for God’s response.  Often, that comes after I arise from my kneeling position and hear the voices of older, wiser men and women who have survived similar experiences.  I hear their emotional and physical responses to the challenges we face while loving in any community.  I gain strength and insight from their travels.

The boundaries I then am able to set come from a place of wellness.  I am able to stay well for me.  I am able to let the other person know that you must live with your choices and I need not rescue or jump into your insanity to demonstrate “I love you.”  In fact, it is quite the opposite…I love you enough to leave you to your own wisdom.  It just doesn’t work for me.

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With insight, this experience helps me understand the harm, worry and confusion I can inflict in the lives of people who love me when I act in ways that are bizarre, harmful to self and confusing to others. 

Some of the biggest challenges with having a mental illness is being deeply and truly honest with oneself that we are different from other people, but not complete aliens to the human race.  Another challenge is admitting we need the help of others to help us see and live in reality about the choices we make.  Finally, working diligently to silence the self-destructive voice is a full-time job all by itself. 

If people who have major depressive disorder make up 3% of the population, it is no wonder the remaining 97% struggle to understand our lot in life. 

Mental illness is real, debilitating and mandates if you want to pursue recovery, you must reach out for help.  If stage 4 is hospitalization, the first three stages mandate a mental health consumer remain vigilant about their own sense of wellness and personal safety.  In this way, we do have a chance to recover.

Take a Break!

Regaining Balance B4Stage4

Deadlines motivate me to complete projects.  As the end date draws near, my motivation turns against me and becomes stress.  Once stress appears, I am thrown off kilter.  No matter how much passion I pour into a project I love, the deadline begins as a goal, becomes a foreboding monster and happens to leave as quietly as it came.  Then, I need to regroup.

 

The last deadline for the magazine was missed.  The deadline made me anxious and missing it made me more anxious.  By the time the printing company received the file, I was wound as tight as a twisted balloon.  I could feel the muscles in my neck straining as I double-checked small details.  My lower back cried for a steamroller to smooth out the tense patches.  I felt bothered, short tempered and like I wanted it just to end.

The people I work with could tell I was on edge.  Yet, they began to tell me how much they appreciated me.

My therapist reminded me to take a break.

May is National Mental Health Month.  This experience reminded me that without consistent breaks, the chances of someone becoming overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, and eventually hitting a brick wall are real.  The way we avoid stage 4 while managing our mental health is through regular maintenance.  We maintain our recovery by utilizing a group of tools like people supports, medication, exercise, therapy sessions and, good old “down time.”

Medical professionals are using this month to talk about helping people with mental illnesses before they become a danger to themselves or others – Stage 4.  As I scoured the internet for clues on what stages 1, 2 and 3 looked like, I gave up and decided to focus on my own well-being.  Maybe someone else can write about those other stages.  Instead, let’s see what a break can do to our consistent mental health maintenance.

The Benefits of Breaks:

1.       Restoration of inner stability – my insides stopped jumping around after I took a long, long walk.  I

Author: airdone

walked the whole day actually and capped the experience with a lakeside view of a communal pond.  (exhale)  I wrote a little bit about the mishaps and lessons from the latest printing of the magazine issue, while assessing my professional behavior in the heat of the moment.

   Drink in the world – I got to notice the world around me.  Cars zooming and zipping back and forth, a lady fishing in the pond, the grass needed to be cut in the park.  (Who cuts the grass in the park anyway?  That’s a lot of grass!)  My mind took a break and my eyes became the sensors that filled the reservoir of my empty soul.  I saw the ducks, the geese, dogs, park benches.  Then it hit me, me and the magazine team had done good work. 

3.       Breathe.  There is a huge, steep hill that leads to Farquhar Park from the west side.  I took a chance and mounted it.  My knees cried, my breath lagged and finally, I reached the top.  Forget doing the

Author: adam121

exercises at each station in the park, I needed to catch my breath.  But, I wasn’t angry about it.  It felt good to be out of breath and walking in the park with lumbered heavy footsteps and a heavy bag on my shoulder.  I didn’t have to be anywhere or do anything because I was on my own time.  I was taking a break!

4.       Fun.  I had the patience to sit in the company of my three grandchildren after that long walk.  I climbed into their play area, a section corralled off in the living room, and laid on the floor with ten-month old Shamar.  I’m not sure my presence mattered to him.  He just crawled around me and kept doing what he was doing -- exchanging one toy for another from his mouth to his hand. 

Lying on the floor and viewing the world from his perspective was so relaxing.

Then, my granddaughter (2 ½) and her older brother (4) decided to capture my cell phone when I tried to keep her pacifier.  They reminded me they were in control in their play area and I was a visitor.  I had the best laugh in days because I couldn’t catch them to get my phone back!

Later that night, my granddaughter joined me in my bed for a YouTube Play-Doh video.  Her bare feet glazed my legs as I lay lightly exhausted, but refreshed, in my bed.  I was reminiscing about my great, relaxing day.  I had the pleasure of detoxing many negative emotions and freeing my muscles from penned up frustration. 

My soul was internally restored to sanity.  I felt grateful, loved and stabilized.  My life has purpose, meaning and direction.  And in finding my purpose, I can also have balance.  It is good to take a break.  When is the last time you had one?